Finances in Marriage: Principles Every Couple Should Consider
Finances in Marriage: Principles Every Couple Should Consider
Goals
-Keep God at the center and in control of your life, not money
-Keep money in it’s rightful place – a few notches down the priority list
-Replace stress about money with trust and striving toward faithfulness over our finances, therefore it can add to your overall marital joy
Open discussion: Whats the biggest financial issue in your marriage?
How to prevent them from damaging your relationship
Fact: Arguments about money damage many marriages. When you consider that about a third of marriages report that money is a big source of conflict in their relationships, it’s no wonder that financial problems are a leading cause of divorce.
What you may not know is that the challenges can actually start even before you say “I do.”
- If you’re committed to a relationship, you and your partner owe each other a calm, honest conversation about each other’s finances, habits, goals, and anxieties. (Many couples don’t wanna address money issues because we see thing different)
Money problems involve discussions in which ego “I’m the man, I should run the money”, anxieties about control or giving up control “I don’t wanna have to ask everytime I wanna buy something”, that thinking will have to be checked. When working together, couples can achieve more than one person can.
Seek Unity: “We’re in this together“
Get on the same page: God’s page. Learn what God is asking of you and stick to it together.
As A couple we are stewards: A steward is one who manages another’s resources. Each of us is a manager, not an owner. God is the owner, and we are to manage according to His plan.
It’s not yours!
All of the promises God has made regarding His blessings in this area are predicated on the principle that we give up ownership. It’s not ours, It’s yours God. If we refuse to give up thinking that its all ours, we can never experience God’s plan for our finances. As a couple we will constantly feel anxiety in the area of money.
Once we accept our role as stewards and manage God’s resources according to His direction, He will entrust more and more to us.
Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you
Our Thinking: What’s Mine, Yours, Ours
Sometimes, when each spouse works and they can’t agree on financial issues or find the time to talk about them, they decide to split the bills down the middle or allocate them in some other fair and equitable manner. When the bills have been covered, each spouse can spend what they have left as they see fit. It sounds like a reasonable plan, but the process often builds resentment over the individual purchases made…why you buy that! It also divides spending power, as well as the ability to plan for long-term goals such as buying a home or securing retirement. And it can lead to relationship-ruining behavior like wherein one spouse hides money from the other.
Debt
If debt is an issue, couples can get tools and strategies to start paying off debt and get on better financial footing.
(books, financial advisors, ect…find someone who is an expert in that field)
From school loans to car loans to credit cards to gambling habits, most people come to the altar with financial baggage. If one partner has more debt than the other—or if one partner is debt-free—the sparks can start to fly when discussions about income, spending, and debt servicing come up.
Deal with debt
For many couples, dealing with debt is often the first issue on the agenda. Knowing what you’re about to get yourself into can help you decide how to deal with it. Given this fact, both partners should have an honest, nonjudgmental discussion—ideally around the time when their relationship looks like it’s becoming serious—about the debts they would bring into a marriage. Each should come clean about any bad spending or financial habits that the other should know about
Avoid Excess, ask yourself do I really need it, want it, or already have it
The Bible says, “The wicked borrows but does not pay back, but the righteous is generous and gives” (Psalm 37:21
Proverbs 22:7
The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.
Did yall know that here in NC, we operate under what is called common law), debts incurred after marriage jointly are owed by both spouses.
- Personality
Personality can play a big role in discussions and habits about money. It is important to know what your money personality is—as well as that of your partner—and to discuss these differences openly.
(Open discussion, Whats’s your spouse money personality?)
Who is the natural savers, cheapskate, risk-takers, big spenders and the one takes pleasure in shopping and buying. It is important to know what your money personality is—as well as that of your partner—and to discuss these differences openly.
Our money is under control Now what?
God expects those who have the ability to invest to do so, but He also expects the return of what is given.
1 Corinthians 16:2 On the first day of the week let every one of you lay by him in store, as God has prospered him, that there be no gatherings when I come.
Proverbs 3:9-10
Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plent
The Upside of Getting It Right
Challenges aside, getting married can have serious financial advantages. It is a great way to double your income without doubling your expenses. If you can synchronize your goals, you can reach them much more quickly than you could by working alone
Prioritize to Maximize Joy
Disposable income is good! It’s one way we can experience God’s grace. It’s extra, and it’s there to be enjoyed. When enjoying it, choose the things that matter most to you, not just shiny things marketed well.
Make memories If you’ve got $300 of “fun money” this month, how do you use it in a purposeful way to maximize long-term enjoyment?
For us, we travel. We love to make memories. I imagine at some point we’ll buy a vacation home), but only when the time is absolutely right. The point here is to spend your disposable cash (after tithe+, giving, and after saving) in a way that builds you up purposely as opposed to just adding to life’s clutter
The Bottom Line
Good (and sometimes painfully honest) communication about each partner’s money anxieties, habits, skeletons in the closet, and expectation
Lack of communication is the source of many marital issues. This space is where the hard work of marriage often lives. Like common health problems, financial anxieties—if not addressed—can become far bigger problems with much more difficult solutions. The best way to be sure you and your spouse are on the same page with your joint finances is to talk about them regularly, honestly, and without judgment. Don’t do it when you’re mad, tired, or back from an evening of wine or margaritas.
It is important for the Christian to trust God in every circumstance. If we believe that God really loves us and will give us only that amount of money that we can handle without worry, we can have perfect peace in finances.
