JD Diva Dates: NO, HE DIDN’T! (S1, Ep1)
March 2, 2020
I actually met HIM over the Christmas holiday last year, waiting in a Starbucks line. The first thing I noticed was his broad back and clean neck. He was tall and dark. He wasn’t alone. He had a couple of kids beside him and another man. So I thought: “He’s out with his boy and either his kids or his boy’s kids. Nice.”
Anyway, I received my order, it wasn’t correct and I returned to have them remake my drink. He was near the counter as well and that’s when he decided to make his move and started chatting with me. He asked if I was married and I did the same. He suggested maybe he could take me out to dinner sometime. We exchanged numbers.
He texted me a short time later to say “Nice meeting you.” Okay – I like that.
Fast forward to the first official phone call – which was a day later – decent conversation, EXCEPT he started referring to me as ‘BOO.’ Not a bad thing, but you JUST MET ME. Is that too soon? Whatever – I moved on.
FIRST DATE – We decided on a first face-to-face date. Oh boy! I’m getting a little excited. He chose the spot (great, he’s a decision-maker) and it was really nice, out of the city (he’s got good taste OR he’s trying to stay away from people who may recognize him). Nonetheless, great first date! Good conversation, he has manners, and he still looked and smelled good.
No kiss when we departed, just a nice strong, robust hug!
DATE #2 – It was a Friday, it was cold and rainy. And since I’m being honest, I really wanted to snuggle up on my sofa with my electric blanket and watch Netflix. But, I told myself “Janine, we gotta do something different! Plus, you like him so let’s go!”
I actually planned this date. I invited him to go with me to a comedy show. We drove separately. I arrived first. He called to let me know he was running a bit late. He’d forgotten his wallet. (Oh, boy – here we go) But, that he went back to get it. (Good job!)
He arrived shortly after. We met in the parking lot. I with my umbrella – as I mentioned, it was rainy. And he with a hoodie and a plastic cup! NO HE DIDN’T!!!
Yes, a plastic cup. Not a red SOLO cup, but a plastic cup from the crib apparently. It contained Hennessy. (Sigh)
We greeted with a hug and me trying to ignore the cup. As we get closer to the entrance door, I attempted to say in a non-condescending way, “You know you can’t take your cup in, right?” Then he says, “Oh, I can’t?” NO HE DIDN’T!!
I give a rather weak chuckle then say, “No, you can’t. They actually sell liquor inside. It is NOT a BYOB!” (bring your own bag in case some of you don’t know that.) I then suggest he’ll need to take it to the head. It’s at least two shots in the cup of pure Hennessy. He suggests we just remain outside and allow him time to drink it.
I remind him it’s cold and rainy and I’m cold and wet so that’s not a good option. He agrees and takes the 2+ shots of Hennessy to the head. Just so you know, this is a foreshadowing of what’s to come.
We make it inside – the show was great. By the last act, guess who was sound asleep?? Like, knocked out cold – like body not shaking from laughter – NO MOVEMENT, dead sleep!!! NO HE DIDN’T! On the second date, REALLY?? You don’t know me well enough to literally go sound to sleep. Shouldn’t be trying to impress me?
After the show, guess who was wide awake and ready to eat? Mr. Sleepyhead.
I suggested we call it a night. He suggested we eat at Waffle House. NO HE DIDN’T!!! Again, I ask in my head ‘Shouldn’t he be trying to impress me?’ Don’t get me wrong, I love Waffle House, but not on the second date, bruh!
Needless to say, the night wrapped up. Both of us in his car. Me looking for a way to salvage the date so I say, in not-the-most-romantic-way, “Can we just kiss cuz I’m sleepy.”
We both lean in, and what I felt in his mouth was not a tongue but more like a pencil plunging at me. Huh? I’ve NEVER kissed anyone with a hard tongue!!! How is that even possible?? NO, HE DIDN’T!!
Sigh. By now, I’m exhausted and emotionally and physically traumatized by the hard tongue. We both say goodnight.
And I say, “Next”.
JD-FACTS: How a man shows up and how he is. Never take a man seriously who comes to a date with a plastic cup of Hennessey.
